Gaby
Not everyone has the courage to directly tell their partner that the thrill of a new romance has faded and it’s time to part ways. If this were done in a timely manner, how many bitter divorces could have been avoided, sparing both parties from dramatic losses! From a common-sense perspective, it seems simple to admit to your partner that you’ve fallen out of love or that you’re simply not right for each other. However, what appears straightforward in theory is often much harder to execute in real life. Partners who have grown distant will concoct elaborate excuses for why they missed a date, and if they do show up, they may be irritable, leading to petty arguments and mutual accusations. Often, both hope that the other will take the decisive step to end the relationship because neither has the courage to do so themselves. Yet, there are times when partners, who have long found their relationship to be a source of suffering, still cannot part ways peacefully, without unnecessary complications. They resort to all sorts of tricks: threats of self-harm, grandiose arguments, fake pregnancies, listing their own virtues, financial expenditures, and… it’s tedious to continue. Such “pressure” is unlikely to yield positive results—no one has ever succeeded in forcing someone to love them. Interestingly, partners who resort to such tactics often achieve the exact opposite effect: they provoke even greater resentment. Some weaker individuals, having cooled towards their partner, may, in desperation, decide to marry, but it’s easy to imagine what such a marriage would look like. It’s better to swallow the bitter pill right away than to spend a lifetime regretting your cowardice, poisoning not only your own existence but also that of others.
Never try to hold onto a partner at any cost—it will ultimately reflect poorly on you. Don’t view a breakup as an insult, humiliation, or a loss of prestige. Remind yourself that this separation is nothing more than a mutual agreement.
I’m not claiming that this understanding will make things significantly easier or that, after parting with a husband you may still love, you’ll gain a sincere friend in him. Unfortunately, that’s not the case: after being in a relationship for a long time, we can’t just magically transition into a new role. However, it’s important not to dramatize the breakup. The one who first realizes that their feelings have irrevocably faded should calmly explain this to the other person. But it’s crucial to explain, not to shock them with a sudden decision. It’s possible that the partner has already sensed something and is internally prepared for the conversation. Help both them and yourself. Sometimes, one partner decides to break up due to a fleeting infatuation with someone else or even under the influence of a bad mood. In such cases, misunderstandings can be resolved by taking a break from seeing each other. A month or two apart can benefit both parties: you can calmly weigh the pros and cons without humiliating each other, confirm the strength of your own feelings, and rid yourselves of temporary irritability, nervousness, or bad moods. Often, lovers find their way back to each other after some time. If, after this trial period, you still decide that there are no feelings left between you, the breakup will be easier to accept. After all, there’s a saying: out of sight, out of mind.
The specific method you choose for the breakup isn’t all that important. In any case, there should be no insults, irritation, or hostility. Every person in an intimate relationship has the right to choose, and a smooth existence in emotional life remains a romantic dream for now. You can’t promise each other eternal love and then blame one another when one side fails to keep that promise. Human relationships are so changeable, influenced by countless circumstances, that few would dare to make “long-term predictions.”
Depression will fade with time, and the emotional wounds will heal. Much in life looks entirely different when viewed from a distance. In this sense, the setback you’ve experienced, along with the reevaluation of your values, will serve as a valuable lesson in self-improvement and heightened responsibility as you approach your choice of partner in the future.
