Lately, I’ve been hearing intriguing conversations about how a select group of our beautiful women might soon be abducted by aliens and whisked away to other worlds in their UFOs. The women I know, when discussing this, widen their eyes like children and lower their voices conspiratorially. Well, they might be onto something, as fate is often decided in the heavens, and we should prepare ourselves as best as we can. However, considering the lack of precise information about the departure time, it’s unlikely we’ll be able to take off with a full arsenal of beauty products—there might not be a tube of lipstick or a set of eyeshadows at hand. So, let’s get ready in advance to be fully armed with our beauty, even in the most unbelievable situations.
Start by thoroughly mixing a spoonful of ground oats with a third of a cup of cream, then place the mixture over heat and bring it to a boil. Next, take a peach, eat half of it, and with the other half (after peeling it), mash it well with a fork and add it to the mixture once it cools down. Apply this “paste” to your face and neck. After 15-20 minutes, rinse off with warm water.
If no one is watching, cut out two face masks from a piece of linen fabric (or 5-6 layers of gauze) with openings for the nose and eyes. Soak one in sterilized sunflower or corn oil, wring it out, and place it on your face for 15 minutes. Then, without rinsing, apply the second mask, soaked in a pre-prepared mint leaf infusion. While our skin softens and becomes velvety and tender, let’s think about that moment when we’ll be seen.
For those who want to feel confident in the face of the universe and care not only for their facial skin but for their entire body, I recommend an old recipe for a bath that’s very easy to prepare: fill the tub with fresh raspberry or strawberry juice and lie down in it. But that’s just a dream for now… So instead, take 250 grams of a mixture of fresh herbs—calendula, nettle, and succession (or just one of these herbs), pour 1 liter of boiling water over it, and let it steep in a water bath for 10-15 minutes. Cool the infusion, strain it through gauze, and pour it into the bath. The water temperature should be 98.6°F (37°C). You can tie the squeezed herbs in a pouch and use it as a washcloth while bathing, massaging your body from the periphery to the center.
Now, let’s talk about your hair. It may have dried out in the sun or been soaked in seawater. So, treat it with extra care: brush it thoroughly and try to air it out more often. By adding a tablespoon of vinegar to a half-liter of nettle infusion, you’ll have a wonderful rinse for your hair.
You shouldn’t wash your hair too often. However, to strengthen it, before washing, apply a paste made from green onions to your scalp, wrap your head in plastic wrap, and wait for an hour, knowing that this will be beneficial for you.
I hope the results will satisfy even the most discerning extraterrestrial critics.