In recent years, women in their forties have become quite fashionable—not just in film, but in life. Observing these women, who are essentially still young and in their prime, confident and strong, it’s hard not to agree that turning forty is a wonderful milestone.
However, at the beginning of the last century, a forty-year-old woman looked quite different. Often prematurely aged, surrounded by a string of children, worried about the prospect of further pregnancies, and weighed down by numerous family responsibilities, she had little hope of living a long life.
Today, a forty-year-old woman is still considered young. Her children have grown and become relatively independent. Household chores are significantly eased by modern appliances. Whether she works or not, today’s woman is the master of her own fate and expects to have at least another 35 years ahead of her. Surprised and a bit puzzled, she naturally asks herself, “What should I do in this second chapter of my life?”
Time for Reflection
For about 18 years, gynecologist Odile Cordier has been “listening to women” at the Notre-Dame-de-Bon-Secours hospital. She knows women of all ages and their desires well. So what do they want at forty?
“My patients have a multitude of desires that they don’t always articulate or dare to voice,” she explains. “Every decade in life is a milestone, and the forties are particularly significant. Many women suddenly realize that they have experienced too few joys in their lives. This sparks a protest: ‘But I’m still young; I can still be attractive!’ This conviction manifests in various ways: the desire to work alongside men who have already achieved success, the need to charm them, or even a fundamental desire to change their lives with another man. It’s not uncommon to see an unconscious wish to have another child. I’ve met women who have successfully used contraceptives for years, only to suddenly ‘forget’ about them. When such a patient comes to me in a panic after becoming pregnant, I often find that deep down, she harbors an overwhelming desire to feel needed, believing that a new child will restore her sense of purpose. Society reinforces this belief: having a small child means you’re still young.”
Everything Starts to Creak
At this age, women often reflect on their relationships with men. “How is my family doing?” she asks herself, still wanting to be liked and loved. Meanwhile, men of the same age, often against their will, increasingly find themselves attracted to twenty-something women.
“For me,” says Jean, a charming 46-year-old architect, “age doesn’t matter. Among my colleagues, there are women aged 24 to 63. I learned my wife’s age when we signed our marriage contract… I’m convinced that it’s very easy to fall in love with a forty-year-old woman. It mainly depends on her desire to be attractive. In my opinion, the issue of age is artificially constructed.”
Dr. J., while sharing a similar view, is less optimistic. At 45, married for 20 years to a 44-year-old wife, he is a dentist with many female patients.
“A dentist notices the first signs of aging before others do. At forty, everything starts to creak a little… Yet, it cannot be denied that beautiful women at forty are much more alluring than at twenty.”
Anne, probably around forty-five, looks a decade younger. Married for over twenty years, she still loves her husband deeply. “Yes, I love him. Or am I in love like I was before? After twenty years of marriage, everything is different. At forty, one should know what truly matters and what can be overlooked. For instance, it’s not so terrible when one spouse forgets an anniversary. What matters is that the husband and wife enjoy being together. My husband and I have a great time alone, but when we have to be apart for a few days, we don’t make a drama out of it. Why can’t a man sometimes have dinner with friends or go fishing? I think that’s perfectly fine. I value my time with friends. Although I must admit, twenty years ago, I would have viewed this differently and would have found it harder to accept. So, in the end, forty is a pleasant, comfortable age, perhaps because one becomes more tolerant and realizes the true value of what they have.”
Alexandra is 38. She and her husband share a deep understanding. They have a twenty-year-old son. She worked as a secretary for many years and recently made her debut in the press. For a decade, she was simply her husband’s wife, who held a significant government position. “I’m very happy that Alexandra is working,” he says. “People’s attitudes toward her have noticeably changed. They used to overlook her, but now she participates in social life, which strengthens her authority with our son…”
MOM, DON’T YOU DARE GIVE UP!
Forty-somethings often lack dynamism, and daughters frequently urge their mothers to take action: “Mom, don’t you dare give up! Don’t let them walk all over you!”
It’s true that women who had children at a young age often claim that their little ones hindered their professional development. However, those without children often suffer greatly. By the age of forty, more and more women dream of having a child.
When it comes to divorce, the situation has fundamentally changed. Madame Cope Royer acts as the “Pope of Divorce” and the “initiator” of mutual consent divorces. She believes there has been a revolution in how people view divorce. Women no longer want to tolerate negative behavior from men, driven not by feminism but by the expanding role of women in the workforce.
Before World War II in France, 80 percent of divorce initiators were men. In the 1950s, that number dropped to 65 percent. Now, women initiate divorce in 70 percent of cases.
Since a stable family life likely means more to women than to men, when a woman fails in her first marriage, she seeks happiness in another. This explains why more women are eager to end an unhappy marriage earlier, often at a younger age. The majority of French women (almost all) who seek divorce do so between the ages of 35 and 45, the age when a woman can still have children.
When Discontent Overflows
The question arises: why do so many forty-somethings get divorced? Here’s what Madame Cope Royer thinks: “Essentially, this issue is less about age and more about the duration of the marriage. It’s known that the ‘crises’ of age for men and women do not coincide. Three and five years, ten and twelve, twenty and twenty-five—these are the thresholds of marriage duration that are difficult to cross.
Forty is an age when women begin to understand a lot. Stay-at-home moms start to feel resentful: ‘I’ve become a servant, tied to the house because I don’t have a profession.’ They fear the prospect of being alone with a husband who has already developed his own habits and is unwilling to change. The sexual lives of their grown children make them anxiously reflect on their own unsatisfying relationships. Should they put in the effort to revitalize their family life? Wouldn’t it be better to divorce and try to find happiness again, if the opportunity arises?
It’s also important to mention women’s financial independence. For the younger generation, this issue isn’t as pressing. Among women, the belief that they must provide for themselves is becoming more entrenched.
Undoubtedly, women who work find it less painful to cross the threshold of forty. At this age, they even dare to take bold steps and change careers that have long left them unfulfilled. They often choose risky and responsible types of work.
It’s worth noting that forty-somethings have every right to make such a move: they are experiencing a period of peak vitality. They enter the era of their second youth with vigor and optimism—this is the privilege of their age, giving them a valuable advantage over twenty-somethings. They just need to tell themselves: “I’m much happier at forty than I was at twenty or thirty. I have fewer demands, and I’m more tolerant of others. I don’t expect from them what they can’t give me. I can appreciate the smallest joys because now I know that troubles are inevitable for everyone on this earth.”
From an article translated from French and published in the magazine “Bulgarian Woman.”