Lately I’ve been hearing a rumor: a select group of our most glamorous women might soon be abducted by aliens and whisked off to other worlds. When the women I know talk about it, they widen their eyes like kids and lower their voices conspiratorially. They might be onto something—after all, fate is often said to be written in the stars—so let’s prepare now and be ready to look our best even in the most unbelievable situations. Without a clear departure time, it’s unlikely we’ll be able to grab a full arsenal of beauty products—there might not even be a tube of lipstick or a set of eyeshadows on hand.
Start by thoroughly mixing a spoonful of ground oats with a third of a cup of cream, then place the mixture over heat and bring it to a boil. Next, take a peach: eat half, peel the other half, mash it well with a fork, and add it to the mixture once it cools. Apply this paste to your face and neck. After 15–20 minutes, rinse the paste off with warm water.
If you’re alone, cut two face masks from a piece of linen fabric (or from 5–6 layers of gauze), making openings for the nose and eyes. Soak one in sterilized sunflower or corn oil, wring it out, and place it on your face for 15 minutes. Without rinsing, apply the second mask soaked in a prepared mint leaf infusion. While your skin softens and becomes velvety, imagine that moment when you’ll be seen.
If you want to feel confident in front of the universe and care for your whole body, try an old, easy bath recipe. Fill the tub with fresh raspberry or strawberry juice and lie down in it—though that’s more of a fantasy for now. Instead, take 250 grams of a mixture of fresh herbs—calendula, nettle, and succession (or just one of these herbs), pour 1 liter of boiling water over them, and let the herbs steep in a water bath for 10–15 minutes. Cool the infusion, strain it through gauze, and pour it into the bath. The water temperature should be 98.6°F (37°C). Tie the squeezed herbs in a pouch and use it as a washcloth while bathing, massaging your body from the periphery toward the center.
Now let’s talk about your hair. It may have dried out in the sun or been soaked in seawater, so treat it with extra care: brush it thoroughly and let it air dry more often. Add a tablespoon of vinegar to half a liter of nettle infusion to make a great rinse for your hair.
Don’t wash your hair too often. To strengthen it, before washing apply a paste of green onions to your scalp, wrap your head in plastic wrap, and wait an hour, then wash as usual.
I hope the results will satisfy even the most discerning extraterrestrial critics.
