Psychologists at Reichman University in Israel found one big mistake people make when presenting themselves on dating sites and apps.
Most users tend to tout their positive qualities and achievements. But bragging about yourself is terrible advice when it comes to dating platforms.
The researchers call that the wrong way to promote yourself. They say the real secret to getting a date is adding a story to your profile.
The study found that a sincere, touching story can spark and genuine interest from potential partners.
“We fall for stories, yet we write our dating profiles like shopping lists. It’s not career progress or ambition that makes someone fall in love with you—it’s your story,” said Gurit Birnbaum, professor of psychology and the study’s lead author.
When you tell a story, people see you as a person rather than a product, the authors wrote in a paper published in the American Psychological Association’s journal APA PsycNet.
How the researchers showed personal stories matter on dating profiles
The team recruited 594 volunteers and showed them dating profiles from dating sites.
In the first experiment, participants rated two types of text profiles. One type contained only basic facts—statements like “plays guitar,” “studying economics,” or “loves to travel.” The other type wove those facts into a story: for example, a person described how their grandfather gave them a guitar as a child and how music became an important part of their life.
In the second experiment, participants viewed photo profiles. The non-narrative photos were neutral shots taken in places like parks or on streets. The narrative photos showed people doing everyday activities such as exercising, studying, or hanging out with friends.
In the third experiment, participants simultaneously read profile text and looked at photos of potential dates.
The analysis showed that participants overall felt more empathy and more romantic interest in potential partners when they read narrative descriptions or viewed narrative photos.
Research-backed tips for people looking for love
- Weave facts into a story instead of overloading your profile with a list of facts.
- Don’t use bullet-point lists or checklist-style descriptions.
- Include narrative photos from your life that show you exercising, studying, or socializing with friends.
“Humanizing profiles and encouraging genuine emotional interaction, stories push back against the depersonalizing nature of online dating platforms,” Professor Birnbaum said.
She added that personal stories lead people searching for a partner to “see the potential partner as a person like themselves.” The study’s authors also argue that profile narratives reveal a person’s intelligence, creativity, and thoughtful approach to future relationships.
