The psychological issue known as the “empty nest syndrome,” which affects those aged 50 and older, has seemingly existed forever. However, it was only recognized and analyzed in professional literature during the 1970s. At its core, this syndrome involves a complex set of reactions to the departure of a loved one, the loss of previous relationships, and the associated concerns. In the absence of substitutes—such as activities, hobbies, or partnerships—this separation can be a painful process that requires psychological adjustment. How does one continue to live when adult children leave their parents? Who is most vulnerable to the emotional trauma caused by a child’s independence? What helps individuals cope with the loss of purpose, fear of loneliness, helplessness, and death?
The Parenting Crisis
Psychologists associate the empty nest syndrome with the moment when the youngest or only child leaves the parental home. Symptoms of this syndrome manifest as feelings of alienation, emptiness, and a sense of uselessness, along with a loss of life’s meaning and former goals. Based on practical experience in addressing value disorientation, the prevalence of the empty nest syndrome is estimated to be between 50% and 75%. This means that at least every second person may experience this condition. The highest rates of the parenting crisis are observed among older mothers. Their emotional well-being is particularly vulnerable to the complications arising from the natural process of separating from grown children.
Considering the empty nest syndrome as a normative crisis in the family development cycle, specialists see its experience as dependent on certain psychological and social factors. Here are the conditions that significantly impact mothers’ experiences.
Single-Parent Families
The most common family type in modern society is the so-called nuclear family, where only two generations—parents and children—live together. Little attention is given to building quality relationships with other relatives, leaving parents without anyone to share their feelings with. Separation from children is even more challenging for women who experience it outside of marriage—there’s no one to lean on, redirect their attention to, or care for. Research shows that the most intense feelings of loss come from the absence of a “single support”: a widowed woman or a mother who raised a child alone suffers immensely when separating from her son or daughter (this is especially true for the separation from sons).
Marital Issues
In families with “cold” relationships, the departure of children exacerbates existing problems, heightens conflict, and distances spouses from one another. This worsens the psychological well-being of both women and men.
Child Dependency
The prolongation of the crisis is often due to the child’s psychological and financial dependence. When attempts at separation occur, the mother struggles to mentally let go, continuing to care for, protect, and support them.
Convergence of Crises
The “fledgling leaving the nest” is particularly difficult when multiple crises overlap. Often, the maturation of children coincides with the end of their mother’s working life, marking a significant change in her social situation across two crucial areas—professional and familial. This results in the loss of two previously valued roles: societal (professional) and personal (maternal).
Social Passivity
If a mother’s focus on her children hinders her from engaging in society, she will find separation more challenging than a socially active woman with a flexible mindset. Behavioral rigidity (the inability to adapt to new conditions) manifests as an inability to find new pursuits, worsening her psychological state. Having hobbies, friends, and interests serves as a resource for overcoming the crisis.
The Essence of Change
The pathogenesis of the empty nest syndrome is typical of any psychological crisis and manifests as personal disorientation due to the breakdown of the former social model and a lack of new behavioral experiences. When the separation of adult children interrupts the maternal function of caring for offspring in the traditional sense of a woman’s social role in the family, an existential conflict arises, necessitating a change in lifestyle, a reevaluation of relationships, and the search for new meanings. The inability to fulfill the maternal role as before leads women to feelings of uselessness, emptiness, and a loss of life’s purpose. Engaging in other areas of activity can help halt the progression of the crisis.
However, finding fulfillment in hobbies, sports, work, or marriage can become an overwhelming task, as any alternative is difficult to pursue without motivation. Negative experiences and value conflicts associated with the empty nest syndrome suppress the willingness to take action due to a sense of futility. In a state of emptiness and low mood, symptoms of depression may worsen; women feel abandoned, often crying and becoming irritable. A defensive mechanism may manifest as a conscious or unconscious denial of the child’s independence, a desire to bring the son or daughter back to the “family nest,” where adult children would once again require parental care and maternal nurturing.
The urge to regain control over the situation may reveal itself in subtle and not-so-obvious intentions to live together with the children in the parental home again. A mother may devalue her child’s education and work in another city (or country), emphasize the drawbacks of their independence, and keep them in a dependent position by providing money and controlling their expenses. An excessive preoccupation with the lives of separated children, constant discussions about their concerns, active mentoring, and imposing help or advice are signals that parents fear being left alone with each other, severing ties with their children, and losing their influence and former social role.
Meeting Oneself
The separation from children exposes personal issues that were previously suppressed by parental care. If harmonious relationships between spouses can serve as a resource for overcoming negative feelings associated with children’s autonomy, problematic families are more likely to experience an increase in divorce rates, and in single-parent families, the trauma of loneliness for the mother who has stepped outside her usual way of life becomes probable (if not inevitable). Complications of prolonged empty nest syndrome include anxiety, depression, and so-called dissociative (hysterical) disorders with physical symptoms of a psychological nature: paralysis, loss of sensitivity, convulsions, and other neurological disturbances without organic causes.
Mothers with hysterical reactions may find themselves in complete isolation, causing concern among their children due to suicidal thoughts. Although this is not a simulation aimed at attracting attention and binding the child to them through the need for care, the hidden goal of restoring life to its former course is achieved in one way or another. To uncover hidden or unconscious desires and emotions, psychologists and psychotherapists use projective tests that allow for situational interpretation, particularly through drawing methods. The specialist identifies the cause of the crisis, assesses the success of the separation, and examines attachment and codependency within the family, clarifying the factors of disharmony.
The information gathered during clinical interviews serves as the basis for determining the principles of psychotherapy, which will be conducted for cognitive and behavioral correction. The scheme and specifics of treating the empty nest syndrome are tailored to the individual. Therapy sessions focus on increasing awareness, being present “here and now,” without distraction from past or future events. Emphasis is placed on the personal resources available at this stage, as well as on desires and needs. This practice fosters patients’ courage to make decisions and enhances behavioral flexibility. Specialists view psychological crises as a starting point for a productive process of positive transformation.
Therapy and Prevention
Family counseling supports the successful restructuring of relationships. The goal of discussions in the presence of children and conversations with spouses is to establish mutual understanding. This highlights the mechanisms of psychological crisis and establishes ways to relieve tension. To alleviate women’s emotional struggles, support from their husbands, awareness of the need for personal fulfillment in their chosen field, and so on, can be crucial. Often, a strategy for slowing down separation with the support of regular long-distance communication becomes the solution.
The fundamental aim of psychological support is to facilitate prospective changes in a woman’s personality and to recognize new facets of potential development. Specifically, a woman begins to perceive loneliness not as a loss of connections and meaning in existence, but as an acquisition of freedom and the engagement of new resources for self-realization and enhancing her self-worth. Sessions of so-called humanistic psychotherapy view the crisis as a condition for reevaluating events and forming a positive attitude toward the new family situation.
After discussing personal experiences with a specialist, a woman “awakens” to her possibilities that she had previously overlooked. Replacing the role of a mother with other interests is not difficult—it only requires the motivation to explore new life areas. Adaptation to new conditions is improved by intellectual and cultural development, acceptance of new responsibilities, and the presence of hobbies and activities. Preventing the empty nest syndrome involves family cohesion, valuing harmonious relationships with relatives, and maintaining high moral and ethical standards.