My Dear Son
Sweetheart, I want you to know and always remember that I love you. I love you with all my heart. Every day, I thank God for giving me such a great gift – YOU. I am grateful to Him for allowing me to experience such a beautiful feeling – the feeling of a mother’s love! And you know, since you came into my life, I have started to love people more. I realized that for God, we are all His beloved children, and He wishes the very best for us. But each of us has our own path in life. We all live in different parts of the world, in different families, and among different people. Yet, He has given us one common thing – the right to choose. Every person constantly makes choices: what kind of person do they want to be?
God left us just ten commandments, not a hundred, not a thousand, but just ten. And He said, “Follow them, and you will be saved.” How difficult that turns out to be! Ten commandments that I break day by day. And it frightens me…
Over the past two years, I haven’t sinned less, but I have started to live more consciously. I try to control my life instead of letting it control me. The Lord has given me a gift – He has given me a heart that has no room for anger or hatred. He has taught me to forgive; He has taught me to hear Him. During this time, I have understood so much, even though no one taught me. This understanding came on its own, and that makes living even scarier.
When you know the price you will pay for each of your actions, when you break the commandments step by step and realize your own sinfulness, it makes you want to cry. You begin to understand how deeply you must be loved to be forgiven for all of this. And you start to pray: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!”
Sweetheart, I love you so much and want you to understand that the worse you behave in life, the more it will hurt my heart. But I will never love you any less. It will pain me and make me feel sorry for you because life is one, and you never know when it will end. You can still make amends and repent here, but not there…
Perhaps, when you grow up, you will understand all of this. Maybe you already understand it much better than I do. But the most important thing is that I pray for you every day: “Lord, always be with my child Alexey, and he will be with You. Amen.”
Mom, 09/27/2001 (Alexey is 1 year old)
Iren