Gaby
To prevent emotional turmoil after a breakup, psychologists teach the importance of a healthy closure to romantic relationships. However, society often overlooks the end of friendships, even though the loss of such closeness can evoke equally intense feelings. Instead, it’s possible to distance oneself peacefully, in a way that doesn’t cause pain to anyone involved. So, how do you tell someone that you no longer want to communicate with them?
A Harmful Habit
New experiences and circumstances can shift our worldview and interests, leading people who once got along well to eventually feel a loss of “emotional gravity.” They may encounter a cooling of feelings and experience the loss of former affection. When your paths diverge, the motivation to maintain a friendship that has become burdensome often fades. In such cases, the connection naturally fades away, and this fact simply needs to be acknowledged.
People may cherish their long-standing relationships while also realizing that, apart from warm memories, nothing is keeping them together. When neither party is eager to continue the connection, friends ultimately find themselves with nothing that binds them. A “phantom friendship” is not something worth preserving or nurturing. Psychologists advise putting a definitive end to it in a timely manner; otherwise, the next stage of emotional detachment will bring negative feelings: irritation, burden, hostility, and toxicity.
Symptomatic Signals:
- indifference;
- discomfort;
- vulnerability;
- devaluation;
- violation of personal boundaries.
If you find yourself feeling the urge to attack or defend in your relationship, it’s a sign of the destructive nature of a “habitual connection.”
How to End a Friendship?
You need to clarify your intentions and separate properly. The choice of how to do this depends on the reason that led to the decision to end the friendship.
Let It Be
If people are not making an effort to maintain the friendship, it will eventually come to an end on its own. Allow the relationship to conclude naturally. This option may be chosen by those who do not oppose mutual withdrawal. Psychologists recommend avoiding meetings with the person you are cutting ties with: refrain from joint activities, don’t invite them over, and gently decline their invitations. The last “courtesies” will remain formal greetings during holidays, but even those will gradually fade away.
Dare to Have a Conversation
It’s a different story when the friendship still has some warmth but no longer brings joy. In this case, a conversation can be beneficial to express your intentions to end the friendship and explain the reasons behind your decision. If one person wants to distance themselves while the other is caught off guard, it can lead to self-blame, fantasies, and stress. It’s important to talk face-to-face, at an appropriate time and in a calm setting, so the person can manage their emotions. However, you can disregard the comfort of a toxic friend if you have to choose between their emotional well-being and your own.
Without Discussing Mistakes
How do you tell someone that you no longer want to communicate with them? Without the goal of fixing the relationship, it’s not worth analyzing it.
Don’t Criticize or Blame
The focus should not be on what went wrong, but rather on your personal feelings: you feel a weakening of the former bond or are burdened by frequent conflicts. Be honest—someone who once meant a lot to you deserves the truth. Thank your friend for the good moments you shared; this is an important part of a proper breakup, where both parties care about each other’s mental well-being. It’s essential to value your past and the people who were part of it.
Don’t Look Back
Once you’ve ended a relationship, avoid dwelling on it. Regardless of who initiated the breakup, you may feel sadness in the future. It’s natural for people to revisit their feelings, rethink the past, idealize losses, and occasionally regret their decisions. Psychologists warn that attempts to revert things to how they were usually end poorly. Trust yourself and don’t look back: resist emotional impulses and “when you leave, leave.”
How to Stop Communicating with Someone?
Continuing contact leads to mixed feelings, misinterpretations, and unfounded illusions. It’s best not to resume calling or messaging. If you keep exchanging messages and occasionally meet to check in on how your friend is doing, ambiguous signals can be misinterpreted. Delaying (or redoing) the breakup will only prolong the pain—why put yourself through difficult emotions again? At the same time, it’s important to remember that responding to grief can only be done for your own emotions, and that’s not everything you should prepare for after severing ties.
Psychologists point out that ending a friendship can have unpredictable consequences. It’s not uncommon for an ex-friend to react with aggression: they may start making your life difficult by spreading scandalous rumors or engaging in inappropriate behavior. You should also be prepared for the division of mutual friends: just like in a couple’s divorce, your shared social circle will no longer be the same. By excluding one person from your social life, you will also lose other connections among those close to your friend. Stay strong and don’t retaliate against the wrongdoer in kind. In the worst-case scenario, try to see the silver lining—after all, it’s easier to stand by your decision when you’re reminded of its reasons.
