Gaby
What types of grandmothers and grandfathers are there, and are they all ready to take on the role of caregivers? How can we build the right relationships? The HouseWife website discusses the mistakes made in raising children when you’re not 25 anymore.
How to Be a Great Grandmother
Anthropologists from Cambridge have discovered a link between grandmothers’ involvement in childcare and the longevity of their grandchildren. Statistics from various countries show that boys are more likely to die young if raised by their paternal grandmothers rather than their maternal ones. Conversely, girls who interact with their paternal grandmothers significantly increase their chances of survival. According to the “X-chromosome hypothesis,” the survival rate of grandchildren is proportional to genetic relatedness.
Without delving into the details, it’s essential to acknowledge the importance of this topic, especially when it becomes the subject of scientific research. Scientists explain the evolutionary significance of longer female lifespans compared to males as a necessity for families to care for grandchildren. However, helping children should be done thoughtfully.
Sometimes, love for grandchildren knows no bounds: grandmothers are willing to sacrifice their last pennies, comfort, and well-being. Gratitude is not always guaranteed in return. If you love to lecture everyone, constantly reminisce about the past, smother them with excessive care, or complain about your health, you may irritate your loved ones with such behavior. So, how can you build optimal relationships?
- Listen. Pay attention to your grandchildren’s stories, ask about their friends, interests, and problems. Show genuine interest in the conversation. No matter how old they are, they will always need the support of adults.
- Take care of yourself. Little ones and teenagers will appreciate a well-groomed grandmother. Get rid of old bathrobes and maintain a neat hairstyle. A grandmother with an active life, a beloved job, hobbies, and friends earns respect.
- Don’t go overboard. Fulfill requests within reasonable limits. Try to keep your promises, but avoid unnecessary burdens. There’s no need to sacrifice your cherished belongings or limited savings. Let your loved ones remember your needs and interests.
For harmonious family relationships, it’s crucial for the older generation to connect with their grandchildren, while young parents should strike a balance: not to “reward” grandparents with a child and not to hinder communication.
The Role of Grandparents in Raising Children
Psychologists note the strengths and weaknesses of various approaches.
The Hen
For these grandparents, grandchildren are the meaning of life. They take care of their little ones in every way: monitoring their diet, daily routines, accompanying them to school and activities, helping with homework, and overseeing all aspects of their lives.
Pros: The child feels loved, growing into a confident individual; health and educational issues won’t go unnoticed.
Cons: Due to excessive care, the child may grow up selfish, dependent, immature, and spoiled.
The Strict Ones
Proponents of a Spartan upbringing won’t indulge their grandchildren with sweets or toys, nor will they allow them to watch cartoons if homework needs to be done. For the slightest misstep, there will be a lecture or punishment, all under the belief that this is beneficial for the child.
Pros: Grandchildren won’t grow up spoiled.
Cons: The child may not understand that this is meant for their good, feeling unloved and rebelling with bad behavior at the first opportunity.
The Indifferent Ones
You can’t force these grandparents to care for their grandchildren; their personal lives don’t allow for inconveniences. Their interaction with grandchildren is limited to giving gifts on family holidays.
Pros: Indifferent grandparents don’t interfere with the upbringing process, so parents have no one to blame; compensation for their lack of attention may come in the form of a large sum of money or a valuable gift.
Cons: You can’t expect help from indifferent grandparents, and when they do help, they will express numerous complaints about the child’s behavior and the time spent.
Conclusion: Responsibilities for raising children should be shared between grandparents and parents so that everyone is “involved.”
Parenting Mistakes
Is it wise to fulfill every whim of your adored grandchildren? Sometimes, there are reasons not to spoil a child.
When deciding on a gift, it’s best to consult with the parents—they know their children’s tastes and needs better. If the parents are facing financial difficulties, you can help by gifting necessary items to the grandchildren. An awkward situation can arise if a grandmother buys something the family has already purchased or received from other relatives. Parents may have personal preferences regarding expensive items for their child, such as cribs or strollers. If the child doesn’t like such a gift, it won’t bring joy. A good idea might be to visit the store together, where the grandparents can help pay for the purchase.
Sometimes, the expectations of the younger generation don’t align with the capabilities of the older generation. If parents expect an expensive gift for their grandchild, you might casually suggest making up for what they missed in their upbringing by proposing an experiment of living on your pension for the next month. When you can’t afford to buy a bicycle, delight the child with a few modest yet interesting gifts, gradually stretching the enjoyment throughout the holiday.
An overly expensive gift for grandchildren can create an uncomfortable feeling of inadequacy for the young family due to parental inability. Conversely, if the parents are well-off, an unusual or symbolic gift would be a great solution: handmade toys, original trinkets, family heirlooms, a targeted donation, or insurance. Such a gift may not be immediately appreciated by the child, but the parents will value it.
The Right Choice
It’s important to choose gifts that match the age, abilities, and interests of your grandchildren. If you want to inspire children to engage in useful activities or support their hobbies, consult them. Children will appreciate your attention.
For toddlers up to 3 years old, you can gift:
- puzzles;
- simple building blocks;
- a set of crayons or markers;
- a doll or toy car;
- sweets.
For children aged 3 to 6, gifts can include:
- building sets;
- educational toys;
- books;
- coloring books;
- cartoons.
Older children will find useful:
- a sewing kit;
- clothing;
- sports equipment or items for outdoor activities;
- board games.
Any attention is a manifestation of love. Therefore, parents should not hinder grandparents from boosting the child’s self-esteem, making them feel significant and needed.
Relationship Effectiveness
Learn about the pitfalls of raising grandchildren through this quiz.
- Can you refuse a child ice cream:
A) if it’s before a meal – yes;
B) not always;
C) no.
- What will you do if the child has scattered their things:
A) give a warning;
B) demand immediate tidying up;
C) pick everything up yourself.
- How do grandparents react to their grandchild’s bad language:
A) forbid it, explaining why;
B) punish them;
C) ignore it or laugh.
- How does the older generation encourage grandchildren to work:
A) by setting a personal example;
B) by forcing them;
C) by exempting them from any work.
- If the child asks for a toy:
A) buy it on the condition of good behavior;
B) decide based on the cost;
C) indulge the whim.
- Do grandparents teach the difference between good and evil:
A) there’s not enough time;
B) yes, they encourage good;
C) no, life will teach them.
- What is the grandmother’s reaction to a child breaking something while helping with cleaning:
A) doesn’t hide her disappointment while picking up the pieces but doesn’t comment;
B) lectures for a long time;
C) forbids cleaning in the future.
- How do grandparents feel about a child’s independence:
A) teach them self-care from a young age;
B) appreciate this quality;
C) don’t want to burden the child with worries.
- How do grandparents perceive involving grandchildren in school or daycare work:
A) remind them to try hard;
B) don’t discuss the issue;
C) express dissatisfaction.
- How do you react to a child’s punishment by their parents:
A) remain neutral;
B) approve of the punishment;
C) side with the child.
Evaluate your answers: A – 10, B – 5, C – 1.
67-100. Grandparents hold firm to their principles, actively helping to raise their grandchildren.
33-66. Older family members make concessions, and disobedience causes them hurt and irritation. It’s essential to stick to the chosen parenting model, as contradictions can have detrimental effects on children.
32 or less. Indulging whims is excessive: you risk raising a parasite, an egotist, or a helpless individual.
So, love your grandchildren without excessive care. Offer advice, but don’t insist. After all, grandchildren have parents who bear full responsibility for their children’s upbringing.
