Gaby
Divorce is never easy, but social media makes it even more complicated. Just when you think you’ve closed the chapter on your relationship and promised yourself never to look back, you find yourself engaging in unexpected self-destructive behaviors.
With the rise of social networks, letting go of someone has become harder than ever. After all, there are friends and friends of friends who regularly post pictures of your former love on their pages.
Suddenly, you see that your ex is radiating not sadness, but joy. And if a new partner has “appeared” by their side, you quickly find out everything about them. Such revelations can be incredibly painful.
So, should you stop following them, which breaks your heart? Psychologists say it’s not that simple. Certain chemical reactions in your brain involving serotonin, oxytocin, testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, and others are responsible for these decisions.
Magnetic resonance imaging has repeatedly shown that love can even change the structure of brain areas involved in processing sensory and emotional information. Specifically, regarding the rewards associated with being with someone, as reported by Newsweek.
What Lies Behind Love Addiction
Talking about love in terms of chemical reactions isn’t very romantic, believes Brian D. Erp, a senior research fellow in moral psychology at the University of Oxford. But it is what it is. Love is an addiction.
This addiction manifests as an obsessive desire to connect with the object of your dreams and engage in sexual relations with them: to receive a reward. This uncontrollable urge “takes over” the brain and drives you to pursue your former partner.
According to Brian D. Erp, losing the object of your passion can lead to feelings of pain and alienation. It has much in common with the feelings associated with stopping the use of certain substances.
As Brian D. Erp has shown, there are many reasons for seeking information about the lives and activities of your exes after a breakup. You miss their presence in your life and need something akin to a replacement for the “old high” you once shared together.
In other words, you are still under the influence of those feel-good hormones that make love so wonderful, even if the thought of your ex causes you literal physical pain.
Create Digital, Psychological, and Emotional Distance
Christopher Carpenter, a communication professor at Western Illinois University, believes that stalking your ex is a bad idea. It not only hinders closure on the relationship but also prevents you from moving forward.
Professor Carpenter’s 2020 study showed that it doesn’t matter who broke up with whom. In any case, staying connected on social media with your former love is an unwise decision. Yes, resisting the temptation to check your ex’s Instagram is tough. But Professor Carpenter insists that such self-destructive behavior should be avoided.
The researcher’s main advice is to see as little of your past desires on social media as possible. You should remove them from your friends list and perhaps even unfollow mutual friends. You need to delete their phone number from your contacts. It’s essential to create digital, physical, psychological, and emotional distance between you and them, as well as everything that reminds you of them.
It’s also helpful to periodically recall the unpleasant, unhealthy moments of your relationship that made the breakup necessary.
Surrounding yourself with friends and family is advisable, and time will ultimately do its work.
