No matter your age, when you return to the family nest for the winter holidays, you might find yourself acting like a petulant child. Research shows that you are far from alone in these behaviors.
Experts assert that adults often revert to their childhood or teenage selves when surrounded by family. According to Dr. Chester Sunde, a licensed clinical psychologist from California, this phenomenon occurs due to regression—a perfectly normal defense mechanism that brings us back to childhood behavior patterns.
How Does It Work?
The fundamental structures of our psyche were shaped by the pressures and conflicts within our families, as well as the relationships that accompanied our childhood.
While you may believe you can control deeply ingrained habits, it can be quite challenging to avoid reverting to old behaviors, especially when you find yourself back in the family fold.
Dr. Sunde shared with Daily Mail: “When you return to this context, those behavior patterns automatically reactivate. External factors trigger responses you developed decades ago.”
In his 20 years of professional experience, Dr. Sunde has encountered countless patients who face this during . “Many of my patients describe how, shortly after arriving at their parents’ home, they start to feel and act like teenagers,” the psychologist recalled.
Even successful, educated individuals suddenly take a defensive stance, impulsively reacting to comments from loved ones or getting drawn into old interpersonal conflicts. This happens despite the fact that these individuals have achieved success in life and no longer need to prove anything to anyone. It occurs because the behavior patterns formed in childhood are deeply embedded in our psyche.
“The parental home is where your psychological architecture was built. Familiar rooms, the dining table, even your mother’s sighs—these signals can bypass your adulthood and activate childhood defense mechanisms. Christmas can amplify this process, as it often brings large families into close quarters, frequently in the same home where you spent your childhood, creating additional pressure related to gift-giving , cooking, and unspoken expectations,” Dr. Sunde explained.
The Structure of Regression
Researchers identify three main components of regression: physical, emotional, and behavioral.
The first involves experiencing familiar childhood symptoms related to or anxiety. For example, feelings of tightness in the chest or shallow breathing.
The second component is characterized by extremely intense emotional reactions. For instance, feelings of anger and resentment that are much stronger than the situation warrants.
The third component relates to reverting to behaviors learned in childhood, such as playing the role of peacemaker or acting like the favorite child.
Ultimately, the brings you back to a time when you craved approval, felt an overwhelming need for security, and lacked the maturity to behave appropriately.
Realizing that in the eyes of your family you are once again that same moody teenager can help you regain control and activate your common sense.
“It’s likely impossible to completely prevent regression if the patterns are deeply ingrained and the context is very strong. But you can recognize it. There is space between feeling old behavior patterns and acting on them. It is in that space where you should seek your freedom,” says Dr. Sunde.
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